Should you and your husband (or partner) have a joint bank account? Yes and no (what a cop-out!). Well, actually my answer is yes you should, but you should also have your own accounts in your own name. For lots of reasons, but mostly because of the importance of independence with your finances.
It is often assumed that a married couple will have a joint bank account. After all, in many states and countries (but not all) the money belongs to both spouses equally, regardless of who earns it. A joint account enables both parties to see what’s going on in the account and manage their money together.
However, there are times when it’s better not to have joint accounts, but it does depend on many factors. There is no one right way. In order to decide if you want to combine your finances with your husband, it’s useful to consider the pros and cons, and then some of the other options available to you.
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The pros of having a joint bank account:
Saves money on fees
Most bank accounts come with fees these days. Cutting down on fees is a good thing to do financially wherever you can. There are banks that have simple no-fee checking accounts, so if fees are the main reason you are looking to get a joint account, there are still other options out there for you.
Keeping track of your money
If your and your husband’s money is all in one place, it’s a lot easier to keep track of since either of you can access the accounts. You’ll know at a glance what savings you have, investments, and the balance in your checking account.
Access to money if your husband dies
Sorry to be morbid, but if you have a joint account and one person dies, then you usually have continued access to the finances. If all of the money is in your husband’s account and he dies, you have to go through a legal process to access the money. Not great when you are grieving and have bills to pay.
Transparency
If all your money is in one place, it’s harder to hide problems. Where one spouse is prone overspending or has had problems with things like gambling or addiction in the past, having a joint account where both of you can see your balances can help. If your husband has a current gambling or addiction problem, you should seriously reconsider putting any money into a joint account, and get in touch with a financial counselor.
Promotes trust
There is no hiding anything if you have a joint account. This means that it can promote trust since there are no private expenditures when you have only joint accounts.
Ensures access to money for both of you
I HATE (hate, hate, hate) to read questions from women online who are stay at home moms and whose husbands control all of the finances. In these cases, the husband owns the bank accounts, and generally pays the wife an allowance each month out of which they have to manage the entire household budget, kids’ expenses and their own purchases. This is a horrible power play in a relationship, where one spouse is entirely reliant on the other to give them money, and they are forced to beg for more if the household budget is stretched that month. It is a form of financial abuse, and you need to recognize it to fix it. A joint account allows access to the finances, but if there is a financial power imbalance in the relationship it is super important to also have a personal bank account.
The cons of having a joint bank account
One of you can’t manage money
If one party has serious issues with keeping track of a bank account, having a joint account can lead to added stress. Anyone can learn though. If one of you is not good at finances, then the other should take time to help to educate you. Money management is an important skill and learning it means that if something happens to one of you, the other can manage the finances. In the meantime, the one who is better at finances might have to take responsibility for paying the bills from the joint account.
Harder to get an individual credit record
In some cases especially if you have a non-working spouse, it can make it hard for that spouse to build their credit record. Having a credit record may come in handy should something happen to the main working spouse.
Fighting about spending habits
Having joint accounts when you and your husband aren’t on the same page can create fodder for fighting with each other about spending habits. It’s very rare that you will both agree on every purchase. I am always a little frustrated when my husband buys yet another basketball jersey (he has about 40 of them, and doesn’t play basketball). He is probably frustrated when I buy yet another pair of heels (I have about 40 of them, and yet I mostly live in sandals…). For this reason, sometimes having separate accounts can help to enable each person to manage their own spending.
Reduces autonomy
Having only joint accounts can make it hard for you both to buy gifts, plan surprises, or do things that they want to do without judgment from the other person. That’s why there should always be some fun money for each of you to spend on whatever you want.
No individual right to money
When you have a joint account, you might expect the contents of the account are equally yours. This is correct, but it also means either party can clear out the account at any time. Most people don’t realize that their partner could just take out all of the money, and they have no way to get it back.
I had a hideous experience in a prior relationship where we had a joint account with all of ‘our’ money in (which was mostly money I had contributed). When the relationship was going bad I realized he might take all of the money from the joint account, and I would be left with none. I had to rush down to the bank and put a freeze on the account so that we both had to go into the bank together to withdraw any money. If he had taken the money before I froze the account, I would have had no other money available to be without begging for a handout from family. The peace of mind that gave me in the middle of the break-up was so important, but I was kicking myself for putting all of my finances at risk in that way in the first place.
Why not do both?
This is the method I would recommend for couples; to have a joint account and also individual bank accounts. You need to work out the right system for money in the joint account vs money you keep individually. This is different for every couple and will depend on your incomes, your family situation, and your values.
The way my husband and I split finances is that we have a joint account for shared household expenses, but we contribute to this in proportion to our after-tax pay. This means because I bring home more money than he does, I pay more into the joint account. Shared household expenses are things like rent, utility bills, groceries, our ‘going out together’ fund and car expenses, since we share a car.
Because we budget all of our income, we also have an agreed amount of our take home pay that goes to retirement funds and savings (which we hold separately, not in joint names) and an agreed amount for individual fun money. The individual fun money is for when we go out separately, or want to buy something for ourselves like a vinyl record player or basketball jersey (him) or a sports watch or new high heels (me).
If you want to learn how to make a budget and pick up my free budget template spreadsheet, head over to my article on how to budget.
If you are a stay at home mum with no income, or very little income, you need to agree with your husband how much goes into the joint account. It needs to be enough for the family budget plus contingencies, so you are not forced to beg for money. If you have agreed as a couple that you will be working less or not at all to raise the kids, then this is work and it is something you have both agreed, so you should not let yourself be treated as though you are not contributing or have less of a say in the finances.
Since you don’t have an income of your own, or only a limited income when raising the kids, you should also agree how much your spouse will contribute to your own individual account. You need to be paid a wage for your work. For some couples on a very tight budget this may not be possible, but in that case you should also ensure all of the money is going to the joint account and he is not keeping an individual account for himself but not one for you.
Be ready for the worst-case scenario
The key reason you need an account for yourself is if something goes wrong. You need to have a way for you (and your kids) to walk away and still be able to put a roof over your heads and food on the table. Firstly, you need this in case he leaves – if he meets someone at work and decides to end the marriage, and clears out the joint bank account, do you have any backup plan? Secondly, you need it in case you need to leave. If you are no longer happy in the relationship and can’t work through it, or if he is abusive, do you have a way out, or are you stuck there because you rely on him financially?
You might think think sounds dramatic. You might think you have a great relationship and this will never happen to you. But the right time to talk about your finances and agree how to manage them as a couple is when things are going really well. If you think it’s going to be easy to have the conversation about how to split your finances when you’re in the middle of a separation or argument, think again.
Having the money conversation with your husband
Each couple must figure out for themselves what works best for them, but be sure not to leave yourself in a situation where you have no access to money of your own. Some good questions to discuss with your husband are:
- How should household expenses (bills and rent) be split?
- What happens in an emergency (e.g. if the car suddenly breaks down)?
- How much money should we be saving?
- How do we make sure the work of running the household is recognized financially?
- What is the plan to pay off our debt?
The important thing is to get on the same page with your husband about the finances, and how best you should both be managing them.
Note – If you are not getting through to your partner and are worried that you may be suffering financial abuse, reach out to a financial counselor (https://fcaa.org/find-a-credit-counselor/). Financial counselors offer a free service and they will be able to help you to understand your options.
